Matthew's Reading Room

The Author

Anthony De Mello, a Jesuit friar, was born in Bombay, India, in 1931. He is renowned as one of the most influential spiritual instructors of the twentieth century, distinguished by his ability to seamlessly merge Western and Eastern spirituality. De Mello established the Sadhana Institute in India and authored several bestselling publications, such as “The Way to Love” and “Awareness.” Despite his departure in 1987, his teachings, which prioritise self-awareness and self-understanding, continue to have a global impact on spiritual leaders and readers.

Book Summary

Anthony De Mello’s “Stop Fixing Yourself: Wake Up, All Is Well” is a captivating spiritual enlightenment and self-awareness manual. The book’s fundamental premise is that you are already perfect and do not require any improvement. De Mello, on the other hand, advocates for readers to adopt awareness, positing that by merely observing and comprehending their thoughts and emotions, they can unleash their inherent potential and lead a more fulfilling existence.

De Mello posits that we are socialised to believe that we require perpetual repair, resulting in a cycle of self-improvement endeavours that frequently fall short. True transformation is the result of self-awareness and embrace of one’s nature.

The book underscores the significance of awareness in discarding neurotic and deceptive behaviours. De Mello instructs readers to observe their thoughts and emotions without judgment to facilitate the natural dissolution of negative patterns.

His practical insights and anecdotes demonstrate how embracing one’s true self and living in the present moment can result in a life filled with serenity and contentment, as evidenced by his down-to-earth teaching method.

He posits that the ultimate objective is spiritual awakening, which involves acknowledging that we are surrounded by love, peace, and beauty. By accepting this reality, we can lead a transparent and complete life.

My Thoughts on “Stop Fixing Yourself”

The experience of reading “Stop Fixing Yourself” has provided profound insights into personal development and self-awareness. In my capacity as a psychotherapist, I frequently encounter clients who are motivated by internalised beliefs and societal pressures to resolve their issues. De Mello’s teachings offer a revitalising perspective consistent with my therapeutic approach, prioritising acceptance and awareness over perpetual self-improvement.

The book’s most influential lesson is the importance of awareness. De Mello’s nonjudgmental observation of thoughts and emotions is consistent with the mindfulness practices I implement in my therapy. This practice assists clients in comprehending their internal experiences and diminishes the influence of negative thought patterns. By fostering awareness, individuals can begin recognising their inherent value and halt the perpetual cycle of self-criticism.

The Delusion of Self-Improvement

De Mello contends that the conventional concept of self-improvement is a delusion, and he debunks the notion that one must repair oneself. This resonates profoundly with my professional experience, as I observe numerous individuals endeavouring to satisfy unrealistic standards established by themselves or society. I advocate for clients to embrace their authentic selves rather than fixating on perceived faults. This change in perspective has the potential to result in a more content and fulfilling existence.

I believe that De Mello’s practical insights are indispensable in therapeutic environments. His emphasis on living in the present moment and observing thoughts and feelings can be integrated into cognitive-behavioural techniques and mindfulness-based therapy.

Fostering a more compassionate and understanding relationship with oneself is achieved by encouraging clients to embrace themselves without the obligation to change.

Spiritual Aspects of Therapy

De Mello’s teachings also emphasise the spiritual aspects of therapy. By recognising the love, peace, and beauty in our lives, individuals can experience a deeper sense of connection and fulfilment. This spiritual awakening can complement traditional therapeutic approaches, providing a holistic path to mental and emotional well-being.

Incorporating the lessons from “Stop Fixing Yourself,” I encourage clients and colleagues to:

1. Cultivate Awareness – Practice mindfulness and self-observation without judgment to understand and accept your thoughts and emotions.
2. Embrace Authenticity – Recognise that you are as complete as you are. Shift the focus from self-improvement to self-acceptance.
3. Live in the Present Moment – Engage fully with the present, letting go of past regrets and future anxieties.
4. Seek Spiritual Fulfillment – Explore the spiritual aspects of life, acknowledging the inherent peace and beauty around you.
5. Reduce Self-Criticism – Challenge the belief that you need fixing and instead foster a compassionate relationship with yourself.

In conclusion, “Stop Fixing Yourself” by Anthony De Mello offers profound wisdom on self-awareness and acceptance. As a psychotherapist, De Mello’s insights are precious for promoting mental and emotional well-being. His teachings provide a pathway to true self-fulfilment, encouraging individuals to embrace their inherent worth and live a life of peace and happiness.